It took a lot of thinking before I launched this blog. I was really worried about baring my innermost thoughts into the world wide web. I didn’t want people to treat me differently or feel sorry for me. I honestly feel very lucky in comparison to what others have to go through. When I went to bed on Sunday night, I still wasn’t sure if I would wake up with the guts to post it. I had a strange ending to the weekend and was feeling a bit “blurghhhh” and not as positive as I normally do. That’s life I suppose. But I sort of started doubting myself. “What difference can you make eh?!” “What’s even the point?!”. See I am human and not positive and chirpy all the time.

 I still wasn’t sure the next morning. I was sat in front of my laptop staring into space and when I hit post on the first blog and then added the link on facebook, I was sat there with butterflies in my stomach, thinking “Ohhhhhhhh Rachel WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!”….

 
I then started planning a disguise and researching an impromptu emigration to China.
 
 
Then much to my surprise people started commenting with the most loveliest messages. 
Then people started sharing the post. 100, 200, 300….a 1000!!!!
Then my emails started pinging and phone started ringing. 
THEN the realisation that I had just shared a page of my diary with the world became real.
“OH SHHHHHHH***TTTTTT”
So I rang my best friend having a dramatic slight panic attack “Ok, have I done the right thing here?”…and her words to me were , “Rachel when you rang me and told me they had diagnosed you with MS, I was heartbroken and crying, but I knew, I absolutely bloody knew, you would do this one day, and turn it round to help other people…now stop being a divvy, cancel your flight to Shanghai and get your sh*t together!” 
 
Nothing like someone you love putting you in your place is there.
 
I’ve been approached by newspapers wanting to cover the launch of my blog and my journey, a radio station has shown interest in me going on one of their shows, I’m in talks about going to speak at Liverpool University on their Health Degrees, the blog was even discussed in Edge Hill University on Wednesday during a lecture (!!!), and I may have the chance to become a guest blogger / writer for the MS society!
 
Not to even mention all the people I have been able to connect to with MS  all over the world and all the people who may now understand what MS is about, that little bit more. I’m so humbled by people taking the time out of their day to read and comment. Even people I haven’t seen for twenty years or have ever met. You are all such a lovely bunch.
 
So, anyway all that waffle was to tell you, that it was definitely worth it. Fear holds us back from so much, I never want to be someone who is held back by the “what if’s” even more so now, sometimes we just need to have the balls to man up and go for it. 
 
So I just wanted to use this 5th blog to recap on some of the things I have learnt so far on my little journey with MS….this isn’t an exhaustive list, be warned.
 
1.         You will not die the first night after your diagnosis, nor the second,  even the third. As time goes on, you will also start to feel less afraid that you are going to die and will stop planning on what kind of buffet you want and which selfies you will allow to be shown, at your funeral. 
 
2.   If you couldn’t dance like Beyoncé yesterday, and still can’t after your MS diagnosis. It is not MS’s fault. However easy it may be to blame it on the MS. You just have to accept you’re a crap dancer and maybe take up knitting (true story).
 
3.  If someone asks you when you’re going to need a wheelchair, or if you are going to give up work to rest, then throw the nearest large object at them. Firstly it is none of their business. Secondly, just because they have asked you, it doesn’t mean it is going to happen. Thirdly, put it right back on their toes and ask them when they think they will be in a wheelchair, its great watching them squirm trying to answer that one.
 
4.  You are still the same person. You may feel like you are now walking round with a “I’M DISABLED, LOOK AT ME HELLLLYYYYYYOOOOO” sticker on your head. But you aren’t. And I believe you have two options, either become:
 
a) the girl with MS called Rachel
 
or
 
b) A girl called Rachel, who loves life, crime novels, taking pictures and walking in the countryside with a pack of pork pies, who is a bit clumsy, 5 minutes late for everything and will always be the last to pick what they want off the menu (food envy issues) also when drunk thinks she can rap ‘Sugar Hill gang’ style and slut drop like an extra off dirty dancing. Oh and she also has MS.
 
5. If you are single, it does not mean you won’t have the happily ever after you have always dreamed about and meet your knight in shining armour. This is probably more due to the fact that you rap when drunk in public. Don’t lose hope that there is a nice genuine guy, who will accept you for who you are, warts n all. If they don’t, then they were never right. Kick em to the kerb, and get yourself back out there. 
 
6. If you are currently awaiting a brain scan and a bit apprehensive over the results, then do not go and join a book club for the first time in your life on a whim, then overthink and believe God is sending you a sign, when the first book that’s been sent for you to read is called ‘As I Lay dying” by William Faulker . Keep telling yourself it is not a sign, over.and.over.again. J
 
 
Thanks for reading again you lovely people,
 
Have a great weekend, I know I will!
 
Rach x 

The Blonde Who Blogs

17 comments on “5. Fears and a Fake Moustache ”

  1. Wow! I’m so proud of you, I can just hear you saying this! You always manage to take a crap situation and make it into a positive! And on a positive note.. no one rocks an eye patch like you! Keep doing what your doing Razzle you are my hero xxx

  2. Truly amazing. You’re so inspirational hon to everyone, not just people with MS. Providing this insight to raise awareness and support those who need support doesn’t come close, your truly are incredible and so brave. We love you so much and know that if anyone can do it, you can <3 xxxx

  3. You’re doing an amazing thing here! I say that not to make you uncomfortable or awkwardly embarrassed, but you truly are. Your strength and determination, the way you push to achieve and challenge yourself always made me believe you were destined for great things…AND, you don’t disappoint. Even when life comes at you with hurdles like MS, you look to inspire and do good. I couldn’t be more excited to cheer you on in all you do!

  4. I knew my wise words would make it to print one day ha ha ha , seriously I was so right and seriously you are an MS hero xxxxx I mean a hero who has MS xxxx

  5. You are amazing. I feel like you take the fear the fear out of that illness and empower people. What a talent! X

  6. Another brilliant blog Rach. The world is your oyster hun and i for one, would love to see your blog published, books, radio, tv you name it. It’s such a fantastic read because it is all so true. Blog for your life babe and make it happen. Your already famous in my eyes and the thousands who follow you. We know you can do it. Love and hugs coming your way my friend xxxxxxxxx

  7. So glad you decided to blog…
    You are inspiring so many people in so many ways.
    Remember anyone who treats you differently or feels sorry for you isn’t worth your energy (that’s what I always think anyway).
    Fab that your blog is reaching so many people and raising such awareness.
    Have a great weekend x

  8. You know I think you’re amazing for doing this. Love reading your blog. You really do have a fantastic talent! ..also… didn’t we establish that MS ~ stands for “something else” other that then obvious 🙂
    Keep going !! So proud of you- an inspiration to many.
    Lots of love G xxx

  9. Hi Rachel,

    I love your blogs, I am amused by everyone that I have read so far keep it up.
    I am having a great day today – (One day at a time remember)I have been to my weekly Slimming World group this morning I lost a pound total loss 3 stone 2 pounds. I am almost permanently in a chair and in the two years since I have joined had several holidays & weekends away slow & steady is my aim. I have also had breast cancer in the last five years, I lost my beautiful Mum to breast cancer in June 2011. Then in September 3 months later I was diagnosed with it. When my Mum first was diagnosed in 2003 she urged me to get checked out I used to say Mum I have MS surely I can’t get cancer too? Well I did !!!
    I had 3 tumours in my right breast which they had to shrink before they could give me a Mastectomy. I had 6 months of chemotherapy in which time they shrank considerably. Then I opted for a bi-lateral/reconstruction same time operation in May 2012.
    Thankfully I am through it all now far too many hiccups re infections and replacement implants(finally having both replaced privately in March 2016)Blah blah blah to bore you with.
    I am still here, feeling happy,content certainly positive and loving life.
    Plus the sun is shining in London today whoo hoo.

    I really feel that I know you Rachel & I feel that I can talk to you?
    I have many friends whom I love dearly but they just don’t understand my fatigue days when I cannot move out of bed, and need want to be on my own.I feel that you understand.

    Just a footnote I am not taking any medication apart from Baclofen an anti-depressant that my Neuro surgeon prescribed when he diagnosed me also a tablet to stop my urgency & frequency to pee (it simply does not work)I know MS is a “snowflake” disease no 2 cases alike.I don’t feel I need anything else.
    Take care have a peaceful weekend
    Jillxx

  10. I look forward to your blogs and make sure I put time aside each day in work to read them. Your amazing. I can only think it must of been the invaluable life skills u picked up on a till in Keli save.

  11. The guys above have said it all. So here’s hoping that even just a little of your “go get’em” rubs off on all of us there will be a new energy for all to see and add to in their own way.

  12. Hi Rachel,
    What a reception you have had, Fantastic!!!
    You are doing just what needs doing, raising awareness and helping so many people to feel ‘Normal’. We do have a life and a more focused one too. I was dx last June so still have the odd night when I think “am I going to wake up :-), or which limbs will work tomorrow” But I have put in place a plan of things to look forward to, Wedding, holiday, new house etc.

    Good luck with all your upcoming appointments, congratulations and I look forward to hearing more from you soon
    Heather
    xxx

  13. Oh my goodness Rachel, your blogs have me laughing and crying at the same time!!!
    As for the Book club, I also joined, your rrraction to our first book cracked me up!!! You best choose the next onexxx
    keep writing and we’ll all keep reading

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