I seem to be one of those people who hears the phrase “that could only happen to you Rach!” an awful lot. I genuinely don’t mean to end up in situations that make me look like a plumper cross between Calamity Jane and Bridget Jones, but it happens. It happens a lot.
Last year when my MS was quite bad and my back packed in on me, my right leg took a bit of a beating. It was like it had a major hangover… everyday….but thankfully my left leg was like the “teetotal-never-touched-a-drop-of-booze” opposite, full of strength & happily dragged the left legs sorry arse around everywhere I went. But not without a few dramas mind you. A numb right leg meant I would just randomly hit the deck if my ankle gave way. I styled most of these horrendously embarrassing flat-on-my-face falls, out like a catwalk seasoned pro, but alas my poor right ankle just became too weak and finally gave up on me as I was driving (and subsequently crashed) a Formula 1 car a few months back. As you do.
After seeing a lovely ankle surgeon consultant guy, he shook his head at me with that “I’ve got bad news for you face” (that I’m now an expert at spotting) and told me basically, that surgery would be my only option to resurrect my right ankle to its once “6inch heels to go the asda” former glory. I was signing on the dotted line at the thought of a pair of stilettos.
So, knowing surgery is coming up, I’ve been trying to be a bit more sensible, no driving racing cars, no scaling mountains…no thinking I’m a superhero and jumping off buildings…you get the jist?
So imagine my bloody luck last week from just craving some carbs…
Off I go to a meeting in the M&S deli…everything going so smoothly and productive, and just as we are winding things up, I remember I need a loaf of bread. 5 mins later walking through the store swinging my loaf, not a care in the world….I slip, in true dramatic Rachel style….arms waving in the air, whacking a poor woman with said load of bread, grabbing her trolley to steady myself and instead go flying face first and end up surrounded by not just any pile of woolly jumpers, but M&S finest cashmere woolly jumpers. Rescued by the staff, I’m now sat in the middle of what seemed like the busiest M&S in the world, crying like a baby in pain, whilst a gentleman with beautiful blonde highlighted hair, held two bags of frozen Petit Pois peas on my ankle, that now looked like nothing like an ankle. Did I mention that this is my left ankle I’m talking about, you know the one, the tough one, which basically keeps me upright because the right one is about as strong as a ladder made from jelly, yup, sods bloody law isn’t it.
I’m going to skip a whole big chunk here that involved me getting took to hospital and learning that I basically ruptured the ligaments, and skip to the bit where I’m now on crutches, only hobbling anywhere if it’s a necessity & waiting for another appointment with the clever ankle surgeon guy, who is going to probably look at me like I’m an absolute divvy when I see him next week and explain I now have 2 messed up ankles! Are those Madge-of-Benidorm scooters in fashion over here yet??? Asking for a friend.
Again, if you have just tuned in, I’m not a very good sick person. I just struggle sitting still and resting unless I physically can’t move. Well, someone up above is having a ball at my expense, because that’s what I’ve felt like. MS is sneaky little bugger, it knows if your body is under stress and because my immune system likes to attack me, instead of defend me, it loves to get ready for action and strike when you really need it least. Hence, an emergency appointment this week with my neurologist and a referral for a new brain scan as soon as. (I need to tell you about this appointment but that’s a whole other post).
So I’ve been struggling a bit with my MS, but whereas you can go to your doctor and 9/10 they tell you how to get better, I don’t have a solution. The symptoms my MS presents, such as increased fatigue, numbness, vertigo, burning like fire pain..aren’t as simple to stop, they are caused by the faulty signals in my brain from areas of inflammation, how bloody frustrating is that! The vertigo has been that bad, I have actually felt sea sick…and I’m crap on boats so I’ve been hobbling to the bathroom like a wobbly drunk person being sick, having deja vu from an 18-30s boat trip I went on in Kavos many many years ago. And doing this as I’m still working from home and trying to put on that “I’m fine honest” front to anyone that asks, it’s exhausting, but the show must go on eh kids.
There’s stuff I can take to try and relieve the pain, but it’s scary when it strikes because it just reminds me that one day I could have all these horrible symptoms, and they may never go away. BUT. And that’s a big BUT, I am going to focus on today rather than a scenario that hopefully won’t happen.
So there you have it, the complications of MS go way beyond sometimes what you would expect…and with complications, comes more complications! And, if I’ve learnt anything in the past 10 days it’s that carbs really are bad for you (confirmed by poor woman who I struck with the loaf), and the initials “M” & “S” don’t seem to bring me much luck… 🙂
Thanks for reading as always,